On May 1st I went for a sleep test. My doctor and I had been discussing my morning headaches. Once I’d mentioned some other (what I thought were) unrelated symptoms (Dry mouth, loud snoring, daytime sleepiness) she thought that a sleep test might be a way to determine if sleep apnea was the culprit.

Sleep studies can go one of two ways. Either way you are hooked up to a couple dozen leads and wires while you sleep in a room while the sleep technician watches you. Sometimes you sleep all night (if you can) and if you show any signs of sleep apnea, you are asked to come back for a second night. The second night consists of you trying to sleep again, but this time they strap a CPAP machine to your head and see if your apnea symptoms improve. Hopefully, they do… you are officially diagnosed with sleep apnea and treatment can begin!
The second kind of sleep study is called a split-night study. A split-night study occurs when the sleep technician detects that not only are you exhibiting sleep apnea symptoms – but you are really bad. I was just so lucky.

Half way through my sleep study, the sleep technician came in and started me on the CPAP machine. The rest of the night my symptoms improved greatly and when I woke up I was told that I would most likely need a CPAP machine.

Anyway… I don’t know if it was just my imagination or some kind of psychological effect or what – but the week following my sleep test was the worst week ever. Ever. I was falling asleep daily on the bus to and from work. I spent all day yawning and stretching and I felt like I was walking around in a fog. One night I was laying on the couch with my eyes closed and opened my eyes to see Carrie and Ashley laughing. At me. When I asked them what was so funny they said I had been snoring really loud. I tried to tell them that I wasn’t even asleep, just laying there with my eyes closed. Apparently not. Apparently I had been asleep for fifteen minutes and didn’t even know it. Wow. The results of my sleep test and the subsequent treatment couldn’t come soon enough.

I decided it was time to mount an attack against all the doctors involved in my treatment and see if I could speed things up a bit.

I started with the sleep lab.
Who was the doctor that my sleep study was turned over to? And what is his phone number? Can you tell me if he’s read the report yet?

Then the sleep doctor.
Can I get a copy of the report? When will it be sent to my doctor?

Then my family doctor.
Wanted to let you know that the sleep doctor has read the report and will be sending you the results. Please let me know as soon as you get them. Once you get the results can I stop by and pick up the prescription for my CPAP machine?

So far so good. I was bothering everybody on a daily basis and it looked like I might have my CPAP before the weekend. (I felt strongly that having a weekend to adjust to sleeping with a mask before having to wear it the night before a work day was important.)

Friday came and I started my round of calls.

My family doctor’s office called back. They had my prescription. I could pick it up anytime before 4:00pm. I was there by 2:00pm.

After getting the prescription I noticed that my doctor had only written ‘CPAP DX: sleep apnea’ on the paper. I didn’t know much, but I knew that any medical supply place would need more information that this to give me a machine. Momentarily stumped, I remembered that the doctor that read my sleep report (a pulmonologist, as it turns out) had an office in the same building as my family doctor. I got on the elevator and pushed three.

“Hi, I just called here yesterday. I had asked if you could send me a copy of my sleep test results. Umm… I happened to be in the neighborhood and was wondering if I could just pick up the copy?” Coincidentally, my results were sitting in the ‘Mail out box’ waiting to be picked up. A moment later I had the results in my hand. I thanked the nice lady and left.

I now had a generic prescription and a specific report. I was hoping that the two would be enough to get me a machine. I called the Health Care Equipment place. It turns out that they had a cancellation and if I could come by right now – they could set me up. Bring my prescription, sleep results and insurance card. Check. I was on my way.

Looking back on the whole thing – I really can’t say enough good things about the Health Care Equipment place. They tried everything to close the deal. As it turns out a generic ‘CPAP Dx; Sleep apnea’ prescription is not enough (no kidding…) and as it turns out the copy of the sleep test results report was not signed. The prescription said I needed a machine and the report said how to set the machine, but because this information was on separate pieces of paper I was out of luck. I shuffled out to the car and proceeded to call my doctor’s office. The receptionist was sympathetic and asked if it would do any good to have her speak with the Medical Supply people. It sure as hell couldn’t hurt so I went back in.

Phone calls ensued. My doctor would not agree to specify the details of a machine because those need to be dictated by the pulmonologist. The pulmonologist would not write me a prescription without seeing me in the office first (next appointment – next Thursday…sigh). Damn. I worked so hard all week long and was standing at the finish line only to be stonewalled by office bureaucracy. Defeated, I left the equipment place with no machine.

As I was driving home I got mad. The more I thought of how much work I put into today the more mad I got. The thought that I now had to wait another week and pay another co-pay before I got some relief put me over the edge. It was time for another visit to the pulmonologist.

Luckily, his office was still open. I stepped into the waiting room and stood in front of the frosted glass window. The receptionist opened it. At this point I needed no introduction. She knew who I was. “Hi, I’m back.” I announced. After presenting her with the facts and asking to to have my copy of the report signed she told me that the doctor has left already. “Can you stamp it?” I know every office has one of those doctor stamps for just such an occasion. After she denied this request I went for the jugular…

“Listen lady… I can’t breathe at night. I know that because I have a report here from this doctor that says so. I also have a prescription for a machine that can help me. I am one signature away from some relief. I’m just trying to feel better.” I think that the fact that the waiting room was pretty full helped me at this point. “Have a seat – I’ll call the doctor” she said.

(insert Rocky Theme Music here)

A few minutes later she waves me up to the window. “The doctor would like to speak with you” she says and hands me the phone.

After a brief discussion with the nicest doctor I’d encountered this week he agreed to write me a prescription and asked me to make the appointment for Thursday so he can see how I’m doing. I thanked him and the ‘nice lady behind the desk’ after she handed me the prescription and called the medical equipment place to ask if they’d wait for me (they closed at 5:00pm. It was only 4:15pm – but it might be close).

I walked into the Medical Equipment place for the third time that afternoon and was met with looks of surprise. “How’d you do that?” they asked. I just shrugged and said “I dunno… I got mad.”

About twenty minutes later I left the Medical Equipment place with a new CPAP machine and all the accessories.

I won.

Now to sleep.